This one.  

He has been breaking my heart in two lately.   

As my time goes on with R and M as part of my family unit, I'm recognizing more and more effects of their childhood.  I consider myself uneducated and naive when it comes to abuse, neglect, trauma in kids, and so anyone who has had some training and education in the area of adoptive kids is probably going to read this and think, well duh.  

Many of you know R was on his own for his early teenage years.  Part of a child-led home.  His mother remarried and moved away, leaving him.  R cared for and provided for himself and a few other boys for years.  Someone recently told me when a child becomes in charge of a home, some key developments stop.  Other areas of that person develop way faster than intended, such as responsibility and trustworthiness.  

A big thing I've noticed this in is R's multiple ages, and how he is 25 years + at times, and 12 years old.  Saturday after their game he had a friend over all day, and they went fishing, swimming, basically just hung out all day.  Later in the evening they went to a nearby creek to catch crawdads.  R brought 4 home and put them in a plastic tub in our garage.  I figured he was going to use them as bait, or let them go later that evening.  He said they were his pets.  I kindof thought he was joking.  Later that evening we found him out there with them, and then again on Sunday morning before breakfast.  

Sunday morning Luke commented on how R was re-living the part of his childhood he missed out on while caring for kids as a 12 year old.  Even though it may look like digression to others, this demonstrates security, peace and moving on to the correct developmental stages.  I immediately got teary-eyes thinking of that.  Later, (of course right in the middle of church) I started full out crying thinking about what R has been through and had to process through that we really know nothing about.      

He is relational and so deep I have had to intentionally work on my own 'relationalness' or lack thereof so I can connect.   
When asked the reasons he wants to date, one of them was 'I want to take care of someone.'   
He is responsible and has really stepped up and matured and is a leader in pretty much everything he does (except school, ha).   
He's the best goalie I've ever seen.  
He is a 25 year old stuck in a 19 year old body.  

He still thinks if he doesn't do his homework, it just might go away.
If I see socks laying at random places around the house, I ask, hey guys, who are these, and we all four know they are his before I ask. 
He sometimes somersaults up the stairs when he is happy.   
He is a 12 year old stuck in a 19 year old body.  

To think that God would trust me with someone who has hurts I will never be able to understand is mind-blowing.  I cringe often thinking of things I have said or done in the past that were legitimately the opposite of what I should've done.  Compassion is the key, thank you Karen Purvis.  I'm so thankful God keeps breaking my heart, and letting compassion leak out all over my household through these little insights.    

People say often, oh R and M must be so grateful for everything you're doing.  They are, don't misunderstand me, but I just smile, and say, no, I'm the one who should be grateful.

He can play with crawdads any day of the week as far as I'm concerned.      


  1. I just found this and it delighted my soul. I love you Natalie girl. You are just what each other needs.


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